58th Day - My 365 Days

58th Day:

Thinking ways to live...

My sister is currently living as an expat. I have always been thankful for all the blessing she shared on me and until now I have not repay her for what she had given me. My sister would always say I did not ask for any return.

I know my sister speak and act with kindness but then in return I wanted to give a fruit to her hard work. So, I don't want myself to be a burden to her.

As I grew older, I have lots of wants for myself and for my family. One thing that I really want to do is to treat my family not because to pay them in return for sending me to school or supporting me to my activities but the goal is for us to be reunited again. That's a long term dream since then.

Its so sad that nowadays, when we are all grown up we live away from each other. So, I am thinking ways on how to live while staying with my mother since we are the only one left here. I always wanted to work outside this country like how my brother and sister lived now. But then, there's a part of me saying "No! I must stay. Spend time with my mother."

Again, I am being hold by my fear of whatever is that. So, everyday I think of ways on how to live my life without leaving her and thinking of when for instance my brother and sister decided to go back to our hometown, we could be together again.

Thinking of this idea makes me crazy because its very impossible for us to be reunited again for no occasion at all. I have been thinking of putting up the business to make my sister live with us again but then I know sooner or later she will also engage to marriage life.

Ideas and reality check like these makes me think more of ways to live closer to my love ones. I used to love the feeling of being independent before but then I grew tired of this feeling.