Charade's Charade

I want to be free...

Free with these unwanted feelings. At this point of time, I'm having difficulty of resolving these feelings. I have this kind of feeling that I pity myself for being in this situation. But then I cannot blame somebody else because in the first place I agree also to be in here. Thinking that the situation is worst, that my care is really needed.

But I can't see it now. Its easy for the other people to say to wait for the 6 months. But now I realize that its quite long to wait. Am I selfish for thinking like this? Well, call me selfish but I don't like this feeling.

Staying with people you don't like. Person who interfere with your decision thinking that they know you. The person was completely stranger to me after 13 years that we are not together. Trying to be close or shall I say being close because you knew each other from the past.

I don't know. I'm not used to it. Its better when things are not that real I can still manage to handle things, keep up with the conversation and other else. After all these years, I could not keep up with the attitude.

Being the youngest, is this really my role in the family?

Well, the other sibling would say. you're lucky enough because you did not experience all the hardships. Sometimes, I keep thinking can I actually answer her back that it wasn't my fault but then she will answer me back, how arrogant.

Maybe for her it was arrogant.

I want this to be over and live alone. No contacts.

Grrrr.....

Why I am being put in here? Are there any options? No. There are no other options.